Cool and New Web Comic
As described on the MSPF website, Cool and New Web Comic'' is a tale about "4 kids habv play a game to make a unaverse and some other thigns hapen too." But it is truly a story about a webcomic's descent into shit. It started on the 10th of April 2016 (4/10/16). Cool and New Web Comic's ''(CaNWC) basic premise was to take ''Homestuck, but keep everything poorly drawn in a classic "shitpost" style, save for a few characters who have been inexplicably preserved. It originally took all reader submitted commands, but this was reduced to "most" with its increase in popularity. ''SPOILER WARNING: This post will go through the entire plot of CaNWC. Continue at your own discretion. Plot Act 1 (April 13, 2009) On his 13th birthday, Jhon Ebgret makes a hamcake, checks on Dabe Stidrer in the chest of continents, and removes his own kidney. He flirts with Rose Lalonde, who is confused by his strange attitude and sudden excess of typos. She rejects his advances, but is still ready to begin their game of Sburb. Jhon is then trolled by Kraket Vantage, who cyberbullies him. The combination of rejection and bullying angers Jhon, leading to him throwing a pick-axe out his window. Meanwhile, Swet Bro and Hecka Jef have stopped by Jhon's house to celebrate his birthday and visit Dabe. Swet Bro climbs up to Jhon's window to say hello, but is hit by the pick-axe and killed. Hecka Jef hides behind a tree and calls the pollice. Dadd returns home and Jhon races him to the mailbox. Jhon retrieves both presents from Dabe and Jaed, as well as both sburb disks, by captchaloguing them out of Dadd's hand, along with the hand itself. This act of violence scares off Hecka Jef, who takes a plane back home. Jhon orders Dadd to hide the body and goes back inside. Rose looks around her room and begins to notice how distorted everything looks. From her perspective, things appeared more and less like they did in Homestuck as of a few moments ago, with a sudden shift making everything look low quality. She messages Jhon to ask if he's ready to play the game, and he informs her of his murder of Swet Bro, who is apparently real, and his assault on Dadd. She asks where Dabe, apparently remembering he's been missing for a month, unlike Homestuck, but Jhon covers for his sexual deviancy by claiming he's "at the store". After investigating her room some more and noting that her pesterchum name has changed to "testacleTheorist", she messages Jaed Hardly, only to find her corrupt as well. Jhon installs Sburb and connects with Rose, but quickly becomes bored with the game because it looks too complicated. He deletes it and downloads RollerCoaster Tycoon instead, which is on the back of the Sburb disk. Like Sburb, this version of RCT allows Jhon to manipulate his surroundings, and he builds a roller coaster in his backyard. Under Waynerd Vagibong's instruction, Jhon lets Dabe out of the box, but quickly punishes him again when he's disappointed with his bunnie gift, as it is far inferior to the Uber Bunnie gift from Jaed. He sends him to stand in the corner without clothes. Officer Femorafreack arrives at Jhon's house in response to Hecka Jef's call and begins investigating, finding the trail of blood but no body. This of course indicates there's been a heinous crime of littering on a perfectly good lawn. Rose finds that Jhon has disconnected from their session. Having discovered that meteor strikes coincide with Sburb sessions from GameFAQs, she pleads with him to reinstall it, but he refuses. From his plane, Hecka Jef has realized the perilous situation people are in as well, but having lost his original planned Sburb partner Swet Bro, he contacts Jhon to try to convince him to play, in the hopes that he could get revenge on him through the game, but Jhon still refuses. Hecka Jef then contacts Rose instead and makes her the same offer. Rose is not aware that Hecka Jef is the one pestering her, or that Hecka Jef is a real person in the first place, so she's hesitant to give control of her environment to a stranger, putting him on hold. To hide Swet Bro's body, Dadd baked him into a cake. Jhon captchalogues several of the body parts on the cake for later use. Femorafreack enters their home and Jhon lies, telling him there was no murder, eating the cake to hide the body. Femorafreack believes him and finds Dadd missing a hand. He concludes that Dadd's blood was what was littered outside, making it not criminal at all. As he goes to leave he notices that Jhon has started building roller coasters "again" and decides to arrest him since they are dangerous. Rose contacts Jaed in the hope that she can play Sburb with her instead, but Jaed apparently has never even heard of the game, making it a lost cause. Rose warns her of the meteors and she immediately leaves to go hide in the froge temple. Rose, realizing she's out of options, agrees to play with Hecka Jef. Everyone enters the session. Femorafreack attempts to arrest Jhon, but is blocked by the uber bunnie. Jhon, Dabe, Dadd, and the uber bunny all escape to the roller coaster. Femorafreack tries to shoot Jhon and gives chase in his pollice car, but loses them as they escape through a portal into the Medium. He instead meets up with Hecka Jef, who offers to help Femorafreack find Jhon. Rose and Hecka Jef set up the entry process for Sburb, with Germy prototyping himself and Hecka Jef prototyping Rose's grimoire. Jaed and her space dog Beq use a transportalizer in the Frog Temple to reach Prostit. Femorafreack assists Hecka Jef in completing his process, while Momi does Rose's work for her. Each arrive at their planet, Rose to the white Land of Light and Froges (LOLAF) and Hecka Jef to the black Land of Darknes and Ruses (LODAR). Act 2 Now flying through space outside of Skya, Jhon pauses to take a selfie with Swet Bro's finger, revealing his death to Dabe. Dabe is initially horrified, but they quickly kiss and make up. Hrates Bocars points this out to Jack Noir, who is also inexplicably normal. Jack seems mostly unfazed by the corruption though, being only mildly more rancorous than usual. Jack orders AR to deal with the humans. AR fires on the roller coaster, which splits into three parts. Jhon crashes toward Rose's room on LOLAF, Dabe enters a gate to LODAR, and Dadd and the uber bunny land in the Veil. Having bought some time, Rose begins to investigate the corruption. She messages Terezi confirming that the trolls have been affected as well. She talks to Hecka Jef to touch base, and he tells her his backstory, about the Prostit clouns he sees in his dreams, and of Jhon and Dabe's secret relationship. Soon after, Jhon crashes into her home. Overhearing Hecka Jef's story, Germysprit and Femorafreack decide to seek justice for Swet Bro. Hecka Jef goes to sleep, waking up on Prostit as Jaed shaves her legs over his face. Jaed runs away and then uses Beq's power to easily usurp the Prostit throne by teleporting the Whyte Quen to the edge of the Inpiscispere. Act 5 briefly reveals Kraket in his hive, but then cuts away. Act 3 Jack Jack orders AR to deal with the Whyte Quen. Hrates Bocars tells Rubs Juice and the Dacronian Dignity about the kissing kids. Jack is confused by the presence of humans who aren't heroes of LOLAF or LODAR and decides to kill them. He orders HB to take care of Dabe, DD to send Dadd to a better place, and RJ to put Jaed and her dog to rest, or short of that to simply report back. Jack leaves to kill Jhon. Rose Rose observes her new planet. She questions Jhon about the corruption, but he isn't aware of any change. She starts looking for other uncorrupted people among the trolls again. Gametez and centurionsTest are both corrupt, but she finds Kanaya Maryam still normal. Rose tries to recruit her, but Kanaya is strangely oblivious to the "deterioration" Rose is talking about and dismisses her as insane. However, when Rose points out how Kanaya's Trollian handle had changed, she recognizes it, dismissing it as a prank by Sollux. Rose allocates her needles to her strife specibus and leaves to explore LOLAF. Jhon begins to make out with Momi. Rose meets Bg'ogubglog'ybulsprite and observes the frogs covering her planet. At that moment, Jack's ship comes into view, hurtling towards Rose. Momi pushes her out of the way, and is crushed in her place. They fight each other, but stop when they noticed they are both uncorrupted. They put aside their weapons and shake hands, joining together in cahoots. Femorafreack Acting on Hecka Jef's testimony, Femorafreack decides to also arrest Jhon for murder and lying in addition to the whole roller coaster thing from before. He randomly fires a bullet in the air, and then makes plans with Germysprit, who he deputizes. Germysprit explains that they are now in a new dimension and that Jhon is on another planet. Femorafreack tries to find a way off of LODAR, but gravity keeps him down. He arrests LODAR for obstruction of justice, causing its revolution around Skya to suddenly halt. He leaves to explore LODAR and spots an explosion in the distance. He then encounters the Bug Stand Man, who pulls a ruse to steal his wallet. Femorafreack tries to shoot the Bug Stand Man, but misses, blaming his gun for not being suited for long ranges. He leaves with Germysprit to alchemize a better weapon, but instead creates a bomb, which kills him, Germysprit, and Hecka Jef. THIS BEGINS A DOOMED TIMELINE. Germysprit He is dead. Dabe Doomed Dabe finds Femorafreack's body and allocates his gun to his strife specibus. He starts to rap, impressing local lizard Fresh Jimmy. When Dabe tries to teach Fresh Jimmy the art of irony, the lizard steals his sunglasses. Dabe uses Femorafreack's gun to kill Fresh Jimmy, getting back his glasses and taking Fresh Jimmy's many wallets. Dabe finds Hecka Jef's computer, revealing that Hecka Jef was being trolled by Kraket, but hadn't responded. Dabe replies in his stead, but as this is a doomed timeline the message does not go through. Dabe finds the heads of Hecka Jef, Germysprit, and Femorafreack. Distraught over their death, he kisses Hecka Jef's head, but is then crushed by Hrates Bocars's ship. HB mourns over Dabe's body and is then killed himself by the bullet Femorafreack fired before. Jaed As Quen of Prostit, Jaed orders all Prostitians to wear fursuits, an injustice which angers PM. Jaed hits on Rose, competing with Jhon for her hand, and invites her to Prostit. Rose sarcastically refuses, which Jaed still takes as a victory. She spots Hecka Jef walking around outside out of costume. He is thrown in jail for this treasonous act. Beq teleports Doomed Dabe's corpse to Doomed Jaed. Angered by this and Hecka Jef's noncompliance, Doomed Jaed uses the Red Miles on Prostit, destroying the entire planet. Before she finishes off the planet entirely, PM interrupts her, stabbing her with a spike. Jaed, PM, and Dabe are then all crushed by Rubs Juice's ship. RJ is then crushed by a collapsing tower. Hecka Jef From Prostit's prison, Doomed Hecka Jef learns of his and the other's death through Skya clouns. He takes a picture of one cloud depicting Dabe kissing his head, which failed to revive him though because Dabe is not a player. He escapes jail to Prostit's moon, where he dies on his Quest Bed. Hecka Jef rises up as a god tier Muse of Time while Prostit crashes into Skaia. Using time-travel nachos, Doomed Hecka Jef goes back to seconds before the creation of Femorafreack's bomb. He takes this bomb further back in time, and meets up with Alpha Hecka Jef. Doomed HJ gives Alpha HJ his time travel nachos and the picture of him kissing Dabe. Alpha HJ time travels away, leaving Doomed HJ stranded, dying to the explosion in a Heroinc death. This creates the explosion Femorafreack initially saw in the distance. THIS ENDS THE DOOMED TIMELINE. Alpha Hecka Jef is woken up by his future self (as well as Swet Bro's Momi, who was also apparently in his house, shaving over his face). Future HJ gives present HJ the time-travel nachos from Doomed HJ, and then time travels away again. Present Hecka Jef leaves to create time loops. Jhon Rose and Jhon attempt to push Jack's ship off of Momi, leading Rose to discover she has telekinetic powers. Jhon captchalogues Momi's feet and then tosses her corpse into Bg'ogubglog'ybulsprite, creating Bg'ogubmom'ibulsprite. They resume making out. Meanwhile, Jack is going around stabbing frogs (one of which Jhon captchalogues). Roses goes off to sit alone. Jhon eventually follows, thinking she is jealous of her mother. He offers to make out with her too, which only further creeps Rose out until she orders him away. Jhon leaves and is pestered by Vrasky. He considers her his daddy, following her word exactly, doing whatever she tells him to. She gets Jhon to collect Rose's present and install Roller Coaster Tycoon on his pda. Jhon is guided in RCT by White Wordes Guy on how to play his unique Sburb session. As a Sburb-RCT player, Jhon begins making an amusement park around Rose's home, attracting imps and consorts as customers (who Jack also starts killing). Naturally, many of these rides are fatal. He also launches the Con Air bunny and Rose's bunny into space. Years in the future, Waynerd Vagibong continues to give Jhon commands. Dadd Dadd has entered an ectobiology lab with the uber bunny. He replaces his missing hand with a ham, retrieves paradox slime from himself and Obana, clones himself several times, and Obana once. The two bunnies Jhon launched into space crash near Dadd, the uber bunny barely saving him from being crushed, dropping all the weapons in the process on the knitted bunnie. Dadd steals the faces of two babies, ironically causing the "tragic face accident' that had initially deprived him and Femorafreack of a face in the first place. He hits the "randomize" button on the ectobiology machine, which lands on Nanna, Momi, Bro, and Grandpather, and doomed timelines for every possible combination that does not ''choose these four people. Dadd also clones Swet Bro, Hecka Jef, and Swet Bro's Momi, but interrupts it midway, collecting the slime of all three, but only cloning SB's Momi. The machine then creates the ectobiological children of all these people, creating Germy, the Big Man, Jhon, Jaed, Roze, Dabe, Swet Bro, and Hecka Jef. As Dadd had never seen Con Air, he did not have a bunnie time of his own, leaving the children to collect their own gifts. The burnt bunnie goes to Roze, the knitted bunnie and weapons to Jaed, and the uber bunnie to Hecka Jef. The Dacronian Dignity crashes in, killing one Dadd clone, knocking the eyes off of Momi, and the mouth off of Bro. He escorts Dadd and the rest of the clone army off planet, as well as accidentally taking Obana, who holds on to the outside of the ship. Kanaya looks on at the whole process and finally notices how distorted everything looks. She throws away her keyboard in disgust. DD offers to take Dadd to a better place. As Dadd considers what that is, he realizes he is not happy with Jhon, and instead just wants to bake cakes. DD comforts him and they kiss. ''Whyte Quen / Momi / AR Momi and Jhon make out. A lot. Meanwhile, Whyte Quen (now WQ as she is no longer queen) is floating in space, trapped by her own lack of momentum. AR's ship cautiously approaches her for capture, wary of the monsters close by. AR writes a law forbidding them from entering, but they do so anyway, capturing him. This scares WQ away, gaining momentum through sheer willpower. She crashes toward LODAR. Fresh Jimmy In the Alpha Timeline, Fresh Jimmy gets away from Dabe with his sunglasses entirely scot-free. Femorafreack continues to chase after the Bug Stand Man. Meanwhile, Blapck Kink politely asks the Whyte Kink for his scepter so he can start the Wreckining, and Whyte Kink agrees. The different storylines coalesce, as the Wreckining begins. All the babies are sent off on their meteors with their respective items, Jhon picking up the hams Dadd left, and Lil Cal teleporting to Bro on his meteor. Hrates Bocars takes care of Dabe. Rubs Juice puts Jaed to rest, which the Blapck Quen sees on one of Jack's fenestrated walls. Grimdark AR descends on LOLAF and Bg'ogubmom'ibulsprite finally stops kissing Jhon to talk to him. Waynerd Vagibong causes his base to ascend. Dadd is taken to a better place on LODAR. He meets up with Femorafreack, returning his face to him. Hecka Jef sees that LOLAF is going to crash into LODAR and tells Femorafreack to unarrest the planet. He does so and its revolution resumes. Fresh Jimmy finds a giant nancho scratch construct and takes a bite, being blasted backwards by the sudden release of energy. He lands on Germysprit simultaneously with Whyte Quen, prototyping them both. Jack continues to walk around Cool and New Parck, but gives in to a guilty pleasure, sneaking on to a carousel without paying. This angers Jhon, who dramatically increases its speed until Jack is flung off. He flies toward Rose, whose hands glow with a purple energy before they collide. Jhon completes his RCT challenge and is given a victory coaster which teleports him off to a new planet, along with baby Obana, who just happened to have fallen off of DD's ship before. Intermishin' The intermission briefly shows the Big Man in a post-apocalyptic future with Lil Cal entering another base, but cuts away to Spdaes Sleck standing in the . Notably, every single member appears to be normal. Sleck checks on Eridan in his chest of continents, and then kills . Rubs Juice kills for rejecting his jig. Spdaes Sleck ambushes with Diamom Drugs, forcing him to turn 's corpse into a skin-suit. Sleck uses this to trick into thinking he's , allowing him to sneak up on him during their poker game and kill him. Diamom Drugs kills and shoots 's effigy, causing to time travel and accidentally kill . Diamom Drugs then puts on 's Cairo Overcoat, which he uses to time travel to kill and . Hedgemann Brutus tried to open the 's vault, but was unsuccessful. He was waylaid by and , but he quickly ate all of them in one go. then smashed through a wall, bringing with him. Diamom Drugs and Angry Rubs Juice came to help Hedgemann Brutus, but Spdaes Sleck was conspicuously absent. Sleck had, in fact, used 's juju to travel to a timeline where all the Felt members were alive. As he was still wearing 's corpse, the other members of the Midight Crewd shot him on sight before he revealed his identity. They prepared for battle against , an effective team once again with , but the fight was interrupted by , aka Vrasky. She stabbed both of Sleck's eyes, leading him to stab 's juju again, sending him back to the original timeline. He ran into , took the crowbar, sending him through time. Hedgemann Brutus eats , but breaks out of his stomach. does a jig, impressing Angry Rubs Juice, calming him down to normal Rubs Juice again. Diamom Druggs interrupts their flirting by firing on them both. 's incredible luck protects them and the bullets instead kill , who teleported in with Spdaes Sleck. Sleck uses the crowbar to override 's luck, hitting him across the head. This re-angers Rubs Juice, who Sleck then kills. then punches Diamom Drugs out of the comic entirely. Sleck uses Rubs Juice's bombs to kill and threatens into opening the safe, killing him afterward. whips Sleck and locks him in the vault. Sleck discovers the troll's Ultimate Reward doorway and steps through. Category:Concepts